When you're your own worst enemy

Today I did battle with myself during my run. From the moment I stepped out of our front door, and the wind welcomed me by slapping me right in the face.

I wanna quit and not run

'Don't do it, go back inside. This really is no time for a run,' my inner enemy started its attack as I gingerly started running down our garden path. Halfheartedly I started to run, all the while fighting the urge to quit and not run. I tried to take my mind off my desire to stop with Faith Hill's song 'This Kiss'. That helped, but as soon as the song ended all my attention went back to the wind slamming the rain into my face.

Who's to know if I quit?!

'Really, this is too much! Why don't you go home, where it's nice and warm. Honey, you álready deserve it!' my enemy whispered seductively. And I had to reach deep inside myself to keep on running. Today I understood why so many runners participate in races: you can't skip a run, if it will screw up an upcoming race. But since I don't race, who was to know if I quit? Only me. But me doesn't react well to a run cut short in the prime of its, well there's really no other word for it, run.

The Coffee Card

When you are your own worst memory during a run, you have to do what ever it takes, so I played the Coffee Card. I reminded myself of the nice hot cup of coffee that was waiting for me after 5 miles. Picturing it standing there, bright orange on a green saucer. The Coffee Card got me past the halfway point. And experience has thought me that when I'm having a motivational crisis, the trick is to get myself to the halfway point. Because once I'm there it's easier to continue running, then to turn back and go home.

It did not become a pleasant run though. But that's alright. Running doesn't have to be fun all the time. It's like life that way: there are good times and bad times. And even though I didn't like my run, I do like the feeling of having conquered my own worst memory: me!


Stacey said...

Yippee for you!!!!!!!!

Liz said...

It must be harder to motivate yourself when you're not training for any races. You still always feel better after the run though!

MCM Mama said...

I hear you on the mind games we play sometimes in order to get the run done. I do a lot of that lately... Good for you for keeping going!

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